The Wizard's Duel?
by Imp
Summary: HP gets a letter from a certain dark wizard which starts a series of extremely humorous - if strange - events. (Who can tell the whims of inspiration. Things can be chaotic in house with HP freaks dwelling; thankfully, they're gone now.)
1. Beginning

# Note: this is not part of my 'series' it stands alone.

# Oh, and this doesn't start out very funny but it will definitely be humorous.

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# The Wizard's Duel

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Harry almost fell out of his chair when a giant silvery black owl dropped a black envelope in his oatmeal.

"Are you alright, Harry!" Neville squeaked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Neville." Harry said.

"Hey, what's that?" Ron said.

"I wouldn't know, I haven't opened it yet." Harry said, rather annoyed.

Harry picked it out of his oatmeal, and flipped it around.

"Who is it from?" Ron said.

"Voldemort." Harry said.

"That's not funny Harry!" Ron said, a little to loudly.

A few people at the Gryffonder table looked up curiously.

"I'm not joking! Look, right there it says _To: Harry Potter From: Lord Voldemort."_

Ron looked, and looked, and looked…

"See?" Harry said impatiently. 

"I-it must be a prank o-o-or something." Ron said, a little shakily.

"It's not a prank you idiot. I'm sure of it." Harry said, as he got from the table.

"See you at class!" 

"He's crazy, completely nutters…"

"What the matter Ron?"Hermione had come behind Ron and had heard only the last thing Ron had said.

"Who's crazy?" she said.

"Uuuhhhh…. errrrrr…. Well…ummm…Harry… I guess…" Ron mumbled, almost incoherently.

"Harry?" Hermione said incredulously.

"Well, yes, I mean no… Oh, never mind!" Ron said.

## Meanwhile…

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"Why would Voldemort send me a letter?" Harry wondered out loud, as he ripped the opened.

The letter read:

_Dear Stupid Little Boy Who Is So Annoying And Always Gets In My Way_

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I, Lord Voldemort challenge you to a pillow fight in the Forbidden Forest at midnight on Halloween.

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_Sincerely_

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_Lord Voldemort_

"Ha, this is gonna be easy, I'm a great pillow fighter!" Harry said and scribbled a reply on the back of Voldemort's note.

## Dear Big Bad Dark Wizard Who Killed My Poor Little Parents

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_I'll see you at midnight in the Forbidden Forest._

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_Sincerely _

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_H.P._

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To be continued…

Authors note and disclaimer: Do you want me to continue? Then REVIEW!

Voldie, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Harry etc. belong to J.K. Rowling.


	2. Again..

Note: second part I might be able to finish it in this chapter but I doubt it.

_The Wizard's Duel _

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_In the Forbidden Forest 8:00 on Halloween_…

Pettigrew was hidden behind a tree a few feet away from Lord Voldemort a.k.a Big Bad Dark Wizard Who Killed My Poor Little Parents. 

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…Why did I have to be so loud, Lord Voldemort is going to be so angry…and I didn't even manage to get a pillow for him, ooooooohhhhhh…" Pettigrew moaned.

Four feet away Voldemort was pacing while he waited for his 'faithful' servant to return, he was getting quite angry.

"Idiotic Rat! I should never have let him out of my sight-" Voldie stopped abruptly, he had heard a moan come from behind a tree to his right.

Voldemort stepped silently closer to the tree, and peered around it.

"PETTIGREW!" Voldemort yelled.

"EEEEEEEP—Master I-I-I was, um, just coming to, uh, tell you 

t-that, err, Sirius Black stopped me from getting you your pillow!" Pettigrew finished, looking up at Voldemort to see if he had believed the almost impossible story.

"You are an idiot Pettigrew." Voldie said.

"I was afraid of that." Pettigrew said mournfully.

"Now, go and get me a pillow and be back by midnight or else you will be a very DEAD rat." Voldemort said.

"Don't worry, I'll be back long before midnight…" Pettigrew said almost happily.

# 

# Meanwhile…

Harry was on his way down to the Halloween feast, when all of a sudden a wall loomed in front of him and there was a loud BANG! 

"Are you okay? Harry? Hello?" Ron said, in a worried sort of voice.

"I've got a perfect pillow…" Harry said dreamily.

"Huh?" Ron said.

"…And it's cursed five times over and it's so perfect." Harry said incoherently.

"Harry are you alright? Maybe we should go see Madame Pomfrey." Ron said sounding very concerned.

Harry came out of his daze, and said quickly "No, I'm fine, err, you go ahead I-I'll catch up." 

But after Ron had gone, Harry went back to Gryffindor Tower because it was getting late and he had taken up to much time trying to make himself look nice. (He wanted Ginny to like him again)

Harry ran to his dormitory, grabbed his pillow (Which he said had been cursed) and his invisibility cloak. (Harry didn't put the cloak on for some reason)

He started toward the Forbidden Forest, but on his way out of the castle he passed cute likkle Draco.

It just happened that Harry had a sign in his pocket that read: _kick me._

So on his way past Draco he taped it to likkle Drakie's back.

What Harry didn't know was that Draco also had a sign, but his read: FREAK.

Draco taped his sign on Harry's back at the same time Harry taped his sign to Draco's back. (Don't ask me how they did it I don't know.)

Well Harry finally got out of school, and as he stepped out

the front door he saw a very short man run across the grounds toward the Forbidden Forest, he was carrying a pillow.

# Pettigrew. Harry thought.

# "He'll lead me to The Biggest Baddest and Most Idiotic Wizard That Ever Walked The Planet if I canfollow him…" Harry said out loud.

He started to run after Pettigrew yelling at the top of his lungs, "You stupid idiotic RAT!"

# To Be Continued…

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Note2: O.K. that was kind of a cliffhanger, sorry I have to do my chores now and I can't finish this…oh, and don't forget to REVIEW OR I"LL TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF.

Just kidding.

Disclaimer

Harry, Ron, Voldemort, Pettigrew, Sirius and Draco belong to J.K. Rowling. 


	3. Second of the Craze

The Wizard's Duel  
  
As Pettigrew ran into the forest (Harry following him), he stumbled on a tree root, and tripped, running right into Voldie. Voldemort fell backwards, hit his head on a tree branch, and tumbled into a bush. Peter landed quite comfortably on Voldie's pillow, and smiling, sat up unharmed. Muttering crossly, Voldemort stood up. But before his words were audible, Pettigrew sprang up, face lighting as if he had just gotten the idea of the century. He started to talk and Voldemort looked at him even more crossly than he'd been looking at the ground.  
  
"You know I haven't always been an idiot," Pettigrew declared thoughtfully.  
  
Voldie stared at Pettigrew in what seemed to be stark surprise.  
  
"At one time - before I joined you that is -I was a nice, caring person - a little cowardly, yes..." Peter gnawed on his lip, "But otherwise, an all around nice guy..." He ended, quite completely ignoring Voldemort, who was staring at him, a look of horror on his face.  
  
Pettigrew paused, seemed to think for a while and, he started to speak again.  
  
"You know," he squeaked triumphantly, "I think you've been a bad influence on me."  
  
Voldemort snorted derisively. "Yes, of course, I'm sur - WHAT!"  
  
Peter looked up, a bemused look on his face. "Hmm?" he said absently.  
  
"W - H - A - T." Voldie spelled explosively, "What!?"  
  
"What? What?" said Pettigrew.  
  
Voldemort suddenly screamed - "Why did I ever take this pitiful creature into my service!?!?!? He's more bloody trouble than he's worth... Aaaaaah!"  
  
Pettigrew looked up at the Dark Lord, on his face a glow of utter surprise and admiration.  
  
"You mean..." he began tentatively, "I am troublesome?!?! I've caused you trouble!? Am I finally mischievous!!!" he exclaimed loudly...VERY LOUDLY.  
  
"James and Sirius would be so proud of me..." he whispered sadly.  
  
"Good grief." Voldemort hissed, rolling his eyes.  
  
Harry suddenly entered the clearing, gasping for breath, dragging a terribly forlorn looking pillow behind.  
  
"It's about time!" Voldemort said, turning to a digital watch on his wrist. "You are ...hmm...exactly thirty seconds late."  
  
Harry blinked, glanced about - and narrowed his eyes.  
  
"What are you doing with a muggle watch?" he demanded suspiciously between gasps.  
  
Voldemort raised his eyebrows, looked down at the watch - and suddenly buried his hands in his pockets.  
  
"YOU HATE MUGGLES...HA HA...AND YOU HAVE A ...HA HA HA ...MUGGLE ... HEE...WAT - OORP."  
  
Voldemort threw his pillow into Harry's stomach (not literally).  
  
A small, curly-haired girl then walked into the clearing. She walked up to Voldemort, her eyes wide and innocent -  
  
"Good day to you, sir," she said politely.  
  
Voldemort was lost for words...no one had ever addressed him like that before. Never. Lord and Master and Fool and Evil...but... The little girl walked around behind him until she was facing his back. She squinted closely and then... BANG! her foot connected squarely with his rear-end.  
  
"ARGH!" Voldemort said; he had tears in his eyes; he'd thought the little girl had respected and cared for him, but he'd been wrong...  
  
"Good day to you, sir." The little girl said, and vanished.  
  
"But - it's after midnight isn't it, "Peter said, "So, I mean to say, it's not day at all, and -" "SHUT UP PETTIGREW!" Voldemort snapped furiously.  
  
"My mouth?" squeaked Pettigrew.  
  
"YES, Pettigrew." Voldemort growled.  
  
"Well, um...let's start our pillow-fight," Harry said.  
  
"All right..." Voldie agreed, "But I warn, I won 2nd prize in the Slytherin Annual Pillow Fight, when I attended Hogwarts."  
  
"Who won 1st?" Harry said curiously.  
  
"Huh? Oh well...I - ahem, you see..." Voldemort stuttered.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Oh...well, all right...Some kid named Rose Banderen." Voldie admitted.  
  
"A girl beat you?!?!? A girl beat you - "Harry gasped, "The mighty Lord Voldie - beaten by a girl - hee hee -"  
  
SWOOSH! Voldemort's pillow whistled over Harry's head.  
  
"Whoa!" Harry yelled as he dodged.  
  
Pettigrew started dancing around the clearing, chanting - "Voldie! VOLDIE! He's our man - if he can't do it...HARRY CAN! Yahoo!" Voldemort paused and turned, "Please Pettigrew...SHUT UP and do us all a favor." and then as an afterthought, "But if you think you might annoy Potter, then continue plea -" Unfortunately, he was interrupted - "Aaaah!" He yelled as Harry's pillow hit him in the back of the head. He immediately swung back around and smashed his pillow into Harry's face.  
  
"Oomf!!" Harry said in a muffled voice.  
  
"Oh wonderful, my lord, just wonderful!!" Pettigrew squeaked.  
  
Voldemort turned and bowed...and Harry tripped and he fell on his face. Climbing to his knees, Voldie clobbered a triumphant Harry, knocking his into a tree. And springing up, he continued to clobber him...  
  
"Uff. Ung. Tof. Snerlf!!" Harry said incoherently.  
  
"Mwahahahhahaha!!!!" Voldemort laughed evilly as he beat Harry into the tree. (...What Voldie didn't know though, what that Harry wasn't being beaten into the tree anymore. Actually, he was standing right behind the Dark Lord...)  
  
"Ahem." Harry cleared his throat loudly.  
  
"Don't bother me now, Potter! I'm in the middle of beating Potter into this tree - "Voldemort stopped abruptly. Harry smirked as Voldemort turned around, scowling and glared so consistently -he must've taken lessons from every villain in the universe. Harry stopped smirking as he began to feel nervous...  
  
Voldemort's eyes flashed maniacally as he slowly advanced on Harry Potter, swinging his pillow menacingly; lightning flashed, illumining his face weirdly...and an angry wind hissed through the trees.  
  
"Now...finally... I will be rid of you forever." he screeched, laughing, "I will kill that idiot, Dumbledore and make myself Headmaster of Hogwarts! BWAAHAHA!  
  
Voldemort raised his pillow - a flash of green light...purple smoke swirled and....  
  
Harry had vanished.  
  
"My lord?" Pettigrew squeaked hesitantly. "...Where did- you send him?"  
  
"Why America, New York City, of course." Voldie said, smiling slightly. "They think we're crazy! Ha! He'll never get away from those crazy Americans! We'll never see him again."  
  
"Poor, poor Potter... It'll be a long time..." Pettigrew said happily.  
  
"Yes, yes...how, let's go take Hogwarts, shall we?" Voldie said, winking.  
  
"Hee hee hee hee hee...!" Pettigrew began laughing squeakily, unable even at that moment, to manage malevolence in his chuckle.  
  
To be continued? 


End file.
